Friday, February 5, 2010

Don't Call me Shorty

Humans have been searching for the Fountain of Youth in one way or another for untold years. Being the impossible-to-please species that we are, it isn't only that we want to live longer, we want to look and feel 17 while we are doing it. Naturally, there are crowds of experts advising us on how to become youthful and good looking. Take hair for instance. On a guy what was a forest of thick locks at 21 has become an almost totally logged-of area at 50. While the experts are selling them the possibility of new growth, somebody else is showing women how to get RID of excess hair. What a world.

Another point regarding hair; more and more women are having their hair cut about the length of an ants back. It's the boyish look; supposedly youthful, but, isn't it ironic that the actual boys are lettin g their own hair grow down to the hem of their shirt? Am I getting old, or what? One thing is for sure, nobody is seeing any more of my bumpy skull than is absolutely necessary.

Most of us have a certain amount of vanity, and like to look as good as we can without resorting to extraordinary methods. However, there are those among us who go the extra mile for, what they consider a pleasant appearance. Case in point is the Body Lift. They showed the whole procedure on TV the other night and I was fascinated. Mind you, there was very little fat to get rid of it was loose skin, what is commonly known as flab.

One of the women had a 12-inch swath of skin taken from around the waist area. (That's right. One foot.) The surgeon then took the lower portion, pulled the top part down to meet it and stitched the two pieces together. I thought about this for a long time and decided it wouldn't work for me. Not that I don't have any excess flab, I do. But, that's just it...if the surgeon was going to have total success, the lower incision would have to be made at my knees and the upper one just below the neck. When the upper and lower pieces were sewn together, I would only be 2 feet tall; barely able to see over the bottom of my truck window. This simply would not do in this drive-up-window kind of a society we live in.

That surgery is definitely not for me. I have very little self-control. That's how I got the extra weight that became the flab in the first place. What if I DID get the Body Lift, with the above mentioned results? I would simply gain more weight, which as years passed, would become more flab and, before you could say, "Thumbelina," I'd have to go back for another tuck, and then another. One day I would just disappear.

There are other changes we can make for contented living. I'm getting a hobby today, a pet tomorrow, and looking for all the hugs I can get along the way. And I'll still be 5'6" or thereabouts


  1. How true! I especially like the comment about men going for more hair and women trying to get rid of it. I think from the variety of looks and shapes of people God created He really did want a LOT of diversity , and is pleased with it...too bad we're so often not. Funny post Shorty!

  2. What a cute post and oh so true. I hope you are surviving all this rain and that you will be safe and cozy this weekend.

  3. Somthing I have not thought of but so true.

    A hobby today, a pet tomorrow...please tell me.

  4. You're killin' me Audrey. Where on earth do you get all this stuff. How I enjoy reading your blog! Thanks for cheering me up!

  5. Thanks for another funny post Audrey! Always fun to see what's running around in your mind and glad you like to tell us! Very true post - I guess no one's completely happy with everything about themselves and the idea of improvement ... well, personally, I think makes folks all start to look alike. Boring!
    Now, if only they could come up with a way of stretching out all that skin and flab to make ourselves a couple feet taller! Hmmmm....